/* RANDOM QUOTES SCRIPT **********************************/ function Quote(text, source) { if (this instanceof Quote == false) { return new Quote(text, source); } this.text = text; this.source = source; return this; } Quote.prototype.print = function() { document.write('' + this.text + ' - ' + this.source); return; } /*********************************************************/ function Quotes() { if (this instanceof Quotes == false) { return new Quotes(); } this.list = new Array(); return this; } Quotes.prototype.add = function(text, source) { this.list.push(new Quote(text, source)); return; } Quotes.prototype.print = function() { var index = Math.floor(Math.random() * this.list.length); this.list[index].print(); return; } /* INSERT QUOTES HERE ************************************/ var q = new Quotes(); q.add("I'm not elitist, I'm just anti-stupid.", "Me"); q.add("Computers are just giant calculators on crack.", "Me"); q.add("Heh. I said "Hey stupid" and you turned around.", "The Janitor, Scrubs"); q.add("Don't listen to him! He's drunk on cheese!", "J.D., Scrubs"); q.add("The salesman that says the most, sells the least.", "zen tooshi, MT Forums"); q.add("It didn't work for the third-world starving children, and it ain't gonna work for us.", "Me, senior high camp"); q.add("You make me so happy that I could just kill myself and everyone around me!", "Dr. Cox, Scrubs"); q.add("Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.", "Homer Simpson"); q.add("It turns out your best judgement wasn't good enough! Next time use mine!", "Dr. House, House M.D."); q.add("Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", then the third word will be "Oh, my God, my cr0tch, you've punched me in the cr0tch."", "Dr. Cox to J.D., Scrubs"); q.add("Newsflash: you can't drink and then come to work -- you're not airline pilots!", "Dr. Cox to Turk and J.D., Scrubs"); q.add("Super. I'll be by my giant pretend phone, pretending to give a crap.", "Dr. Norris, episode 3.13 of Scrubs"); q.add("If someone's standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them.", "Dr. Cox, Scrubs"); q.add("Fair enough. I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription for two testic1es; and you feel free to get this filled out whenever you want.", "Dr. Cox to J.D., Scrubs"); q.add("Oh, I don't know, Bob. Here, I like to think I've accomplished plenty of things much more difficult than this. Why, just yesterday morning I somehow managed to hack into your voice-mail and change the outgoing message to, [slips into an excellent Kelso voice] "Hi, this is Big Bob. Why, I'm not in right now but, at the beep, leave your name and your p3nis size!"", "Dr. Cox to Dr. Kelso, Scrubs"); q.add("The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they will be when you kill them.", "lecture theatre scribblings"); q.add("If a game's not fun, it's not a game.", "Me"); q.add("I'm not smart. Everybody else is just dumb.", "Me"); q.add("If someone drops his or her stuff in the rush between classes, be sure to stomp on it. An entire year's work can be tramped, ripped and destroyed in a matter of seconds if everyone cooperates.", "Matt Groening"); q.add("Did you know? The best work is that which is done at the last minute.", "Matt Groening"); q.add("You can't get hired until you're experienced, and you can't get experience until you're hired.", "Matt Groening"); q.add("Why is TV so cool? It allows several people who hate each other's guts to sit peacefully together in the same room for years on end without murdering each other.", "Matt Groening"); q.add("People do stupid things when they're in pain.", "Dr. Gregory House"); q.add("No, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem.", "Dr. Gregory House"); q.add("Things don't fall into your lap in life, you need to work for everything you want. Love is no exception.", "CrackPr0n-EET-, MT Forums"); q.add("Sorry for the inconvenience.", "God"); q.add("Shut up. I'm tired of your stupid hymns.", "God"); q.add("Have you seen my son? I sent him to get some milk a while ago.", "God"); q.add("All your friends are laughing behind your back. Kill them.", "God"); q.add("It actually does say 'Adam and Steve'. That's what you get for reading the translation.", "God"); q.add("Okay, I'm back. What'd I miss? ... OH SH1T!", "God"); q.add("Dance, my puppets, dance! Mwahahaha!", "God"); q.add("You can't turn a hamburger into a cow.", "jofers, FreeBASIC Forums"); q.add("I feel like a kid in some kind of a store.", "Homer Simpson, The Simpsons"); q.add("TRAP!!!", "Nathan Fillion, Serenity DVD outtake"); q.add("Get outta the way!", "Nathan Fillion, Serenity DVD outtake"); q.add("Hidin' ain't a plan?", "Mal, Serenity"); q.add("Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me.", "Ballad of Serenity, \"Firefly\""); q.add("You know what the definition of a hero is? Somebody who gets other people killed.", "Zoe, Serenity"); q.add("I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.", "Wash, Serenity"); q.add("Mr. Universe: Somebody is talking to her. Wash: The Oaty Bar?", "Serenity"); q.add("Shiny. Let's be bad guys.", "Jayne Cobb, Serenity"); q.add("I need me a Fruity Oaty Bar.", "me"); q.add("Surprise grenade!", "me"); q.add("That's it! Pants off!", "me"); q.add("Zoe: In the time of war, we would've never left a man stranded. Mal: Maybe that's why we lost.", "Serenity"); q.add("Boy, it sure would be handy if we had some grenades, don't you think?!", "Jayne, Serenity"); q.add("The current buzz in the mailing list is Skulkraken's sister.", "me"); q.add("War's long done, all just folk now.", "Mal, Serenity"); q.add("I got no answers for you, Inara. Got no rudder. Wind blows northerly, I go north. That's who I am. Now that may not be a man to lead, but they have to follow.", "Mal, Serenity"); q.add("Secrets are not my concern. Keeping them is.", "The Operative, Serenity"); q.add("So, here is us, on the raggedy edge.", "Mal, Serenity"); q.add("Certain words were exchanged, also... certain bullets.", "Mal, Firefly"); q.add("Mal: We're still flying. Simon: That's not much. Mal: It's enough.", "Firefly"); q.add("I teach you to lie, cheat and steal. The minute I turn my back and you wait in line?", "Dr. Gregory House, House"); q.add("(With a journal open) "Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy... Today we were kidnapped by hill-folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."", "Jayne Cobb, Firefly"); q.add("The next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.", "Mal, Firefly"); q.add("That's the great thing about being grown-up: you don't have to do anything.", "Dr. Gregory House"); q.add("Everything sucks... you might as well find something to smile about.", "Dr. Gregory House"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: A rat can last longer without water than a camel.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: A 2 by 4 is really a 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Every person has a unique eye & tongue print.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The 'spot' on the 7-Up comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: 315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Chocolate kills dogs. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Dr. Seuss is actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounds like Sue-ice.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in First Class.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Upper and lower case letters are named "upper" and "lower" because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple or silver.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. It also took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes and 4 pennies, you'd have $1.19. You would also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The original name for butterfly was flutterby.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: In Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Back in the mid to late 80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.", "WikiChan"); q.add("Things You Might Not Have Known: Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!", "WikiChan"); q.add("Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth.", "4chan /b/"); q.add("I'm so scared; hold me.", "Dr. Gregory House, House M.D."); /*********************************************************/